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Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: Probably still mirrors.
Look, all I`m saying is, you never see Nikki Manaj and E.T. in the same place at the same time.
I hear my ex is now into orgies, or at least that`s what the Craigslist ad I just posted on her behalf said.
I don’t like being told what to do unless I’m naked.
Why is it called when animals attack? It should be called when retarded people go near dangerous animals.
Just because they sell yoga pants in XXL doesn`t mean it`s ok to wear them in public.
2 out of 3 isn`t bad. Unless you come home from the park with 2 out 3 kids.
I hate that feeling when you feel you wrote something good on facebook and then nobody likes your status. Depressing... :(
Don`t let the propeller hat fool you... I have no idea how to fly this plane.
People think that a girl`s dream is to find her perfect guy & be with him forever... That`s Crap! A girl`s dream is to eat without getting fat.
With great power comes great electricity bill.
If all the world´s a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
Everyone loved Jack-in-the-box as kids. Now I`m older, I like mine in the bottle
Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine. And you know what else? Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine.
Don`t sell yourself short, in fact, don`t sell yourself at all. I`m pretty sure it`s illegal