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It`s Thanksgiving. Don`t forget to set your scale back 25 lbs
It`s not so much blowing my diet as preventing the fudgesicles from developing freezer burn.
The first step to admitting you have a problem is having a problem.
If a woman shaves her legs for you, at least every other day, in the Winter time, it`s Love.
You notice how no faith-healers have stepped forward to help out with the ebola crisis in Africa......
You look over-medicated. What`s your doctor`s name?
Somebody told me I need adult supervision. I was like "I Know!" It would be awesome to be able to see through walls and shoot lasers out my eyes.
If I procrastinated any harder right now, it would have to involve time travel.
Trust me ...... I can`t believe I`m still here either.
Yes officer, I know my driving is not 100% perfect, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk.
When I`m all out of alcohol...haha! Just kidding! I`d never let that scenario become a reality.
Good news: I learned how to build a fire. Bad news: I need a new toaster oven.
I can paint the house and buy new furniture and my kids won`t notice, but, buy a new phone case...
The cop said it was an outstanding warrant, dad! And you said I`d never amount to anything...
Why is "Pissed" an expression of being upset? I`ve never been so mad that I pee`d myself.