Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Winter needs to calm the f*ck down
Wife: You always blame other people for your problems. Me: Yeah, and whose fault is that?
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
Today I am thankful for dirty text messages, stripclubs, and Jack Daniels
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something
The really cool thing about being a husband is having your mistakes constantly pointed out.
When the hostess at the restaurant says “table for 2?” I always like to look surprised and whisper “you can see her too?”
Humans claim to be the superior species, but a penguin can use its own body as a toboggan so who`s the real winner?
My mother always used to think that my friends were bad influences. ..I wonder if she`s figured out yet that I was the one coming up with all the ideas? ;)
When you "pretend speak" to someone in the background while ordering takeout so that the restaurant doesn`t judge your big order for one.
I will be responsible for my actions when my actions become more responsible.
If you`re going to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 10am, don`t be open.
If Monday was a movie, it would be very long and boring.
Your shirt might say UFC but your body says KFC
Somebody just gave me a free air guitar..... No strings attached