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I always knew that one day I`d end up face-down in the gutter. I just didn`t expect everyone to keep on bowling...
Don`t talk to me about disappointment. I had lots of adults tell me they were gonna "fix my little red wagon" yet here it sits with a broken wheel still
the jeremy kyle show, the only place you`ll see a six month old baby with more teeth than thier parents
Calling your girlfriend by her Moms name during a fight is a great way to escalate the situation.
Don’t trust people that dislike pizza. They’re probably not human.
I hope I die alone. I mean, you`d have to be a pretty big jerk to hope others die with you.
If u think I talk to much, just let me know. We can talk about it!
I don`t throw anything out anymore I just go to TGI Friday`s once a month and glue more sh!t to the wall, no one notices, try it
I got 99 problems but a least my name aint North West.
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially since his name is Mike.
Wind chimes? I can`t see myself saying, its too quiet, you know what`d be nice? Noise.
The Kids today just don`t appreciate the colors and flavors of Dial soap like I do
There`s nothing more terrifying than accidentally making eye contact with a mall kiosk worker.
I may look calm, but in my head I´ve punched you in the face 3 times already!
When will they start calling marijuana dispenseries grass stations?