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Ok but how old is your child in minutes?
I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone
Okay so the pregnant woman in the library didn`t get my `overdue` joke.
All the coffee in Colombia couldn`t make me a morning person.
The Manning`s Thanksgiving is going to be awkward this year. "Eli, can you pass the stuffing- oh wait, you better let Peyton do it."
The future is much like the present, only longer.
I Wonder what Facebook Employees do to waste time at work ?
We`re up to Fast n Furious #6. Shouldn`t they just create a weekly TV series?
I got caught peeing in the swimming pool today... The lifeguard shouted so loud I almost fell in.
I`m right 98% of the time. Who cares about the other 3%?
Iām on a forgotten-name basis with quite a lot of people.
It`s amazing the things I can remember when I don`t need to remember anything.
I may be too old to cut the mustard, but I can still cut the cheese.
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
Whoever made up the saying "It`s the thought that counts" never got a pair of crocs for Christmas.