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I feel like a piece of corn in the digestive tract of life ~ I`m going through a lot of crap but I`m sure I`ll come out whole.
There’s a very short list of things you can have in your hand while running without looking crazy.
Alcohol free beer is like ... orgasm free sex
Cant imagine the look on Obamas face when he saw `Olympus Has Fallen`..His next quote would have been.."No more Taiwans in the secret Elevetor office"
I don`t think boredom gets enough blame for the trouble it causes.
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn’t seem so bad now.
I gave up my Ego, because I am so much better than that..................
I`m glad the guy who came up with "No means no" didn`t do the whole dictionary
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here`s the bad news. You just wasted it reading this post.
The first guy who persuaded a blind guy to wear sunglasses, must have been a hell of a salesman.
So impolite of people to sneak up on you while you’re talking sh!t about them.
If you can´t read this, you´re illiterate.
I like to say "Do I smell popcorn?" right after I fart ..that way everyone quickly takes a deep breathe.
I don`t let my friends do stupid things... ALONE
Every morning I swallow a piece of paper that says "Keep up the good work fellas!!" just in case I die and the doctors have to do an autopsy on me