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WebMD needs to add the question "Have you eaten Taco Bell today?" when asking about stomach-related symptoms.
Life is basically trying to meet better people than the ones you currently know.
I mixed coffee with Red Bull today..I got half way to work when I realized I forgot my car!
Hey! Did any of you see my........ Oh ! Never mind... :D How much of you said that before? heee heee hee!
All the advantages right-handed people have are cancelled out when we have to do our banking at the drive-up ATM left-handed.
If your friends can accurately guess your age, you need to find dumber friends.
Who wants to do something we will regret in the morning? Anyone?
In a new study women with large a$$es live longer………the men who tell them live distinctively shorter lives.
I have no super powers. I`m guessing I`m the villain.
To-Do List : Nothing[?]
I know u r but what am I ?
Job interview tip: repeatedly ask if you`re under oath
When people see ghosts, why aren`t they naked? Do clothes die and become ghosts too?
I’m back on my feet again!! Wait, false alarm the remote is right here.
Good friends don’t let you do dumb things… alone.