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Here is your New Years Resolution. All of that stupid sh!t you did last year? Don’t do that crap this year. Done. You’re welcome.
You will never find the right person if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can’t tell anyone about.
All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or married.
Pretty nice opinion you got there. It`d be a shame if someone were to...not give a sh*t about it
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children, don’t know very much about children.
Anyone want to be fake engaged for two hours so we can eat cake samples?
If you have to guess what a commercial is selling, it`s always perfume.
Mary Had a Little Lamb, Little Lamb, Little Lamb. Maybe she wasn`t that hungry.
Everyone’s beautiful on the inside. Some people just need a few good stab holes to let that beauty out.
NASCAR pit crews are always retiring. Let it sink in: now laugh
Why buy it for $7 when you can make it yourself with $92 worth of craft supplies.
"I smell carrots. Do you smell carrots? `cause I smell carrots..." ~ Snowmen.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
I love food, napping on the couch, and getting super excited about car rides, I`m basically a golden retriever.