Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`ve done a lot of things over the years ... But acting normal has never been one of them.
I`m not as smart as I used to be but then again you can`t stay a teenager all of your life.
People treat New Year’s like some sort of life changing event. If your life sucks today, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow
No one appreciates the special genius of your conversation like the dog does
A Positive attitude may not solve all our problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort!
Looking back at old text messages and Facebook messages and being like "What the hell was I thinking when I said that."
No way the guy from Operation is insured for any of those ridiculous medical procedures.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible…but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell!
I might not be smarter than a 5th grader, but I can buy beer.
The guy who invented, "Take Your Child To Work Day," probably forgot to drop his kid off at school on his way to work..
If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night the rice will attract Asians who will fix your phone for you.
Everything is legal when the cops aren`t around.
My kids will be mad at me when they discover it isn’t illegal to talk in the car while I’m driving.
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Independence Day.
Have you ever loved someone so much, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping