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Million dollar idea: Duck Dynasty chia pets.
Music is best when it’s louder than I can think.
Is it too early for extra nog in my egg?
My buddy asked me the other night if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him that I`m married now and that`s where I sleep.
Guuuyyyysssss, never ever play leapfrog with a unicorn.... Its not worth it.....
If the Internet was never invented... what would we all be doing now?
If a door closes in your life...kick that f*cking thing open and continue to pursue your dreams.
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I`m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
Do me a favor if someone tells you they don`t like me , tell them I don`t like them either.
I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how porn starts off. -Bfanch
I just put Santa hats on all my Halloween decorations.
I finally saw Kung Fu Panda. I`m certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
Didn`t think my day could get any better but my robe has pockets so boom, there you go.
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.
A homeless man just asked me if I was having a bad hair day, so I took my dollar back.