Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
No thanks, alcohol free mouthwash, my life is depressing enough.
I`m definitely the drunkest person in this ball pit.
Women can brutally and methodically destroy your life. But they let you see their tits along the way so it`s totally cool.
Isn`t it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags. Ok, maybe I don`t know what ironic means.
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
There’s plenty of fish in the sea… I just suck at fishing.
The Patriots defensive coverage was almost as bad as the coverage by Obamacare.
I broke up with my gym, we were just not working out.
You’ll never get the same results running in place as you will running from a lion.
I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how porn starts off. -Bfanch
you know you have a kid personality when you think step brothers is the greatest movie ever.
I wanted to book an Elvis impersonator for a party so I phoned them up and got a call centre. It said `press 1 for the money, 2 for the show.`
The only rule of the Chess Club is to hide from the Fight Club.
Me: I must be out of my mind. Me: You and me both.
I keep my land line so I can find my cell phone.