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A recent survey revealed that 4 out of 5 women think I`m an a-hole...
I handle stress the way cats bathe in water.
If I could move things by telekinesis I`d squeeze people`s insides and make them fart.
If you`ve never needed to move to a new city and assume a new identity, then we probably haven`t dated.
Whoever said your harshest critic is yourself was clearly never married.
When I die, I want people to say, "That guy owed me a lot of money"
This prefessor`s nuts. He keeps saying pie is square. I know better, pies are round, cakes are square!
I am Bad and thats Good. I will never be Good and thats not Bad. There`s no one i`d rather be than ME.
On the Internet you can be anything you want ... It`s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.
It`s funny how this guy grating cheese over my pasta thinks I`m going to say stop.
This hot fudge sundae hasn`t killed me so it must be making me stronger.
I bet if there were little basketball hoops above every garbage can, littering would greatly decrease.
The closest I`ve come to camping was that one time when I fell asleep in the bushes outside your window with my camera.
You can either wear granny panties OR yoga pants - not both. Pick one.
If you get pulled over, ignore the cop and tell him that your mommy told you not to talk to strangers.