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I may contain scenes of violence, nudity and foul language.
The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.
I am busier than a one legged man in an arse kicking contest.
One of the major benefits of using a combined 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner is having enough room leftover on the shower caddy for the beer.
Relationship status: If I slam on my brakes really hard... The seatbelt hugs me back.
I wish the buck stopped here…I could use a few.
Some days your the duck. Some days your the goose.
People who get out of the car and actually have a sit down meal inside McDonald`s scare me.
If people in horror movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
it`s a fact that flies on screens are not afraid of cursors
"Latte" is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
I`m at the facebook saloon, drinking all night long
If a cannibal ate a comedian, that would lead to some funny sh!t.
It’s not weird to talk to yourself, it’s just weird when someone else hears you talking to yourself.
It`d be nice if the married people would leave some of the single people for the rest of the single people.