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Nothing makes me want to leave a website more than a pop-up window saying, “Are you sure you want to leave this page?”
Someone cut in front of me in the salad bar line today. I didn`t do anything because anyone who wants a salad that badly terrifies me.
I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.. do they just give you a bra and say, "here fill this out"..?
Nothing is more discouraging that unappreciated sarcasm.
People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their car keys.
On the 12th day of Christmas my FB gave to me- 12 dudes I`m blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted Barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, fiiiivvvvee drama queeeennss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends a-pokin and a creep who wont stop Inboxing meee... ;)
Judging from my last 5 relationships I am convinced my heart is trying to kill me
Sometimes the only reason I leave my house is so when someone asks about my day I don’t have to say “Netflix and avoiding responsibilities"
I should win an Oscar for acting like I`m busy at work.
When the nurse calls my name at the doctor’s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right.
Another successful year no random father`s day cards in the mail!
Studies show that men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. Unless your wife finds out.
Vodka isn`t the answer... but it makes you forget the question :P
It`s weird how many people at my office are named "Hey."
i made a chicken salad the other day. little bastard didn`t even eat it.