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You say `pervert with a telescope` ... I say `biological astronomer`.
You never really know someone until you break up with them. If they don’t go crazy and try to kill you than maybe you should give them a second chance.
If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.
People liking my status from a week ago on Facebook proves that I have stalkers.
Why isn`t Hungary`s capital city called "Very"
I have enough leftover Halloween candy to get me to leftover Valentine`s Day candy time.
The problem with this generation boils down to this one thing: Their cartoons suck.
Hey bartender, pour me another, I see ugly people.
Does this 50 pound bag of cat food make me look single?
Have you ever ate something so good that you do a little happy dance while your eating it?
No one has ever been in an empty room.
It’s been “one of those days” for like 3 years now.
My internet was down for almost 4 mins,im ok but the 911 operator was a total b**ch about it!
Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
Throw a stranger a surprise party by putting confetti inside their closed umbrella when they’re not looking!