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Are nap dates a thing? Because that`s something I can work with...
Remember the good old days when making the “duck face” involved 2 Pringles?
I think I`m gonna take a hot shower. Its like a normal shower, but with me in it.
Dear alcohol we had a deal where you were supposed to make me cool, sexy, charming and a great dancer........I seen a video......we need to talk.
If I had a time machine I`d set it to "back in the day", just to see what everyone is talking about.
Ya know once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it´s hard to get it back in.
The only person whom a woman listens carefully & follows sincerely & does exactly as he says is a photographer
is not impatient. I just patient really fast.
I swear if my memory gets any worse, i`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
I`m going to be the first person to land on the sun! I know what your thinking and thats why I will be going at night.
The tragedy of Scooby-Doo is that whoever kept supplying criminals with such realistic prosthetic masks was never caught.
If you see me laughing like a crazy person, think nothing of it ..it`s just the voices in my head telling me jokes!
Knock knock... whos there? Cows go... Cows go who, No, cows go moo
I can`t possibly f*ck up the entire universe, so that`s a relief.
Starting tomorrow: Whatever Life throws at me… I’m gonna duck so it hits someone else.