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Aging is inevitable, Maturing is optional.
Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the hell.
Got a problem with me? I’m pretty sure a status on Facebook won’t fix it.
i never said i knew what i was doing, i said i was going to do it anyway :)
Miracle Whip is a bit of an exaggeration if you ask me.
I often wondered what it`d be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while...
It`s been discovered that 1% of the population is allergic to Gluten. The other 99% are sick and tired of hearing about it......
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.
If you tickle me, I’m not responsible for your injuries.
Apparently saying, "You mad, bro?" is frowned upon if you work in customer service.
When people say they work like a dog, I look at mine and think they must mean they just lay around all day and poop wherever they feel like.
I never use the phrase, "Your guess is as good as mine" because, well... it`s not.
I wish that just once, the clerk would just put the Monopoly money in the drawer and hand me a receipt
I love food, napping on the couch, and getting super excited about car rides, I`m basically a golden retriever.
I`m at the point in my life where "friend with benefits" just means a person who gives me their Bed Bath & Beyond coupons.