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My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. . . . well. . . she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet.
Friends are like boobs... Some are real some are fake.
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
People should seriously stop expecting normal from me...We all know it`s never gonna happen
oh look at the time, it`s time to not care
Facebook Poking Hours: Mon-Friday 7am-10pm Sat 12-11pm Sun Closed
Girl:How do u feel? Boy:With your hands
The best part about being an adult is, nobody can tell you, you can`t have ice cream for breakfast.
"Truth or dare" should be renamed to "Interrogation or Humiliation"
Some people are just pure evil...I should know because I`m one of them.
Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain 3.) prisoner of war 4.) homeless person 5.) wizard
What`s the point of blurring out the middle finger on TV, like oh you`ve fooled me, what`s behind that blur? Is it a monkey? A pencil?
People are obsessed with this storm but in a couple months no one will talk about it anymore, which is why they named it after the movie Juno.
My number was 0...
Sometimes I get a little sad and feel like being alone. But then I talk to my dog about it and he reminds me I`m Awesome. Then WE DANCE.