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Receptionist: "The doctor will see you now." Invisible Man: "Finally, a cure!"
A friend of mine asked what it`s like to raise a small toddler so I coughed directly in his mouth
Damn your Hott!...........................Freaking Sun! lmao =P
Just saw the little boy next door licking whip cream off the cat. Pretty sure he heard something he shouldn`t have.
Is life fair? Short answer, no. Long answer, nooooooo.
If I`m in your house and you have bookshelves... Be prepared to see me turning statues and bending down books while looking for your lair.
My wife was out of town, so I had to run the morning routine by myself today. I learned a lot. For example, apparently I have two kids.
I wonder if the psycho hitchhiker ever gets picked up by the psycho driver. Now there`s a movie I`d pay to see.
Hey bill collectors, nice try, but I don`t even call back people I know.
Whenever my son questions my knowledge on any subject, I just remind him that I`m older than the Internet.
If you`re ever lost in the woods and have a compass, the compass can help you be lost more north.
Impressing the McDonald’s drive thru people with my music is always a top priority.
I just saved a lot of money in child support by switching to condoms!
Women with big breasts... ...can get a taxi on the worst days ...have a neat place to carry spare change ...have always been the center of the arts (art) ...make jogging a spectator sport ...can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub ...have more negotiating power (with men shorter than them) ...usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie ...can always carry a little extra ...always float better ...know where to look first for lost earrings ...rarely lack for a slow dance partner ...hav
If I were the guy who made the Where`s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn`t there