Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Have you noticed that tire stores never hang big banners that say "Blowout Sale"?
I mixed coffee with Red Bull today..I got half way to work when I realized I forgot my car!
My wife said she wanted to feel special. So I gave her a helmet and some crayons. Perhaps I misunderstood her?
You know how people dread going to the dentist? I feel that way about getting out of bed.
Before criticizing my taste, remember that I like you.
I really think that Caller ID needs to be more detailed. It should say things like "Wants help moving" or "Will whine about bad relationship."
I would eat a lot more salads if they were made out of pizza.
Only a fool trips on what`s behind him.
I get very annoyed when people mix up there, they`re and their. From now on I`m going to point it out, weather they like it or not.
My favorite word is `apparently`. Makes anything sound sarcastic. He`s intelligent, apparently.
Just sneezed 8 times in a row and saw the entrance to Narnia for a split second.
My girlfriend left the lights on, on her Smart Car last night. This morning I had to jump start it with my Android.
Sometimes I wish there was a `Build-a-Girlfriend`.
Paperclips: The staple for people with commitment issues.
Pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens.