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I gotta ask you a sirius question....do you know the muffen man
Instead of torturing people for getting information, why don’t they just get them really drunk?
So much for the saying, 3rd times a charm, I just checked my Mega Millions ticket for the 3rd time, and still nothing.
I can buy my own sugar. What I need is an insurance daddy.
When I`m on my death bed, I want my last words to be...."I left 10 million dollars in the..........."
H&R Block said I won`t get nearly as much back in taxes this year because apparently the neighbors want to claim their own children.
Going to tattoo shop to get both legs fully covered. Before he touches me with that needle, I run off yelling `thanks for the free shave loser!`
If I had known "cuties" were little oranges when my wife asked me to "bring a few home," I could have avoided these awkward introductions.
likes beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate major events such as the my birthday or the fact that that it`s Monday.
I`m not afraid of identity theft. Go ahead and enjoy being broke and having my dad call you a failure.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who opens up their Hershey Kisses ever so gently so that the foil doesn’t tear.
This guy at the gym just did four sets of selfies.
It`s scientifically proven that stress is caused by giving a f*ck.
My doctor recommended I increase the amount of Greens in my diet...so I started drinking more Rolling Rock.
If by a blow job you mean blowing everything out of proportion then yes I totally rock at blow jobs.