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You seem to love cocktails... or part of it.
I always say, "morning." Instead of, "good morning." If it were a good morning, I would still be asleep in bed instead of talking to people.
I`ll act my age when I`m 69..
I know you think you´re interesting because you have an accent. But a drunken slur is not an accent.
The only candy I crush are empty cold ones.
Go through a fast food drive thru. When they repeat your order back to you, say "And can I get that to go?" and enjoy the confused silence.
Some people have a natural talent for stupid. Others take that talent and actually ENHANCE it!
I gave my boyfriend a glue stick instead of a Chapstick last weekend, and he`s still not talking to me!
You`ve been on more hotel pillows then chocolate mints.
Why do people say "nice to meet you" before I`ve even said anything? How do you know it`s nice to meet me? I`m an a$$hole.
Some people never go crazy...... What truly horrible lives they must live
You know you drank too much if you have to wait until your court appearance to find out what the hell happened that night
Saying "think outside the box" is a pretty inside the box suggestion.
Jingle all the way. Nobody likes a half-assed jingler.
Pizza doesn’t ask questions. Pizza understands.