Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes I say stuff without even meaning to be funny and I`m like "Man, my subconsicious is hilarious!"
I thought white noise was the sound of people complaining at Starbucks.
Movies are so unrealistic. This guy`s using his computer to access an alien ship & not once has it asked if he wants to upgrade his Adobe.
if you hold a dinner fork really close to your eyes, you can pretend that they`re in jail
im like the government: i spend money on things that aren`t important, and spend most of my time trying to explain to people why i need them.
On the subject of sex, my parents told me `the man goes on top, and the woman underneath.` No wonder I got divorced. For 3 years my ex-wife and I slept in bunk beds.
Helpful Tip: Dont laugh when the cop says penal system ... oh and I need bail money again.
Whoever invented the 5 day work week and 2 day weekend can suck my a**!
Made some terrible life choices the last few years. Just kidding. I`m married and not allowed to make decisions.
Sometimes I`ll go out in public and socialize with people, those times are called alibis.
When I asked if you had protection, pepper spray isn’t what I meant.
Driving isn’t even in the top 5 things I’m thinking about when I’m driving.
Notice how writers don’t rewrite books, how about we stop remaking movies.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I hate you bye
is ready to have one too many!