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The term "I paid GOOD money for that!" is soo silly..Honestly, have you ever seen BAD money? NOT ME !!!
I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
So far today has been a pretty good day...I haven`t had to bite or hit anyone, yet!!
Double Stuff Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
Never send in a beer to do the work of a tequila shot.
Dating a single mother is like pressing continue on some one elses saved game
If you really want to impress me with the year a bottle of wine was made, bring me one from 2024....
Whenever a buddy of mine wants to borrow something, I remind them that everything I own has touched my balls.
Life hack: You can park wherever you want if you put your hazard lights on and take your tire off.
Stop, drop, and roll isn`t just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.
Why does it have to be bacon OR sausage?
If I were a pilot I would scream “WE’RE GOING DOWN” every time I landed the plane.
Studies show it’s totally okay for me to just say “studies show” in front of whatever I want to say.
I hate people who take drugs ... Customs for example.
"That girl is totally checking you out" said vodka. -Bfanch