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If your Facebook post requires me to hit “continue…” get a diary.
My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ... I sent it anyways.
"Give me your finest meal, money is of no concern." ~ Me at McDonald`s on pay day.
You guys ever trip out on the fact that Indian people eat Indian food for breakfast?
A walk in the woods helps me relax and release tension. The fact that I am dragging a body should be entirely irrelevant.
The only reason I liked your post was because I was trying to clean a smudge off my screen.
I can totally relate to cranky elderly people. I mean you can only be nice for so long!
I accidentally called 911, so I set my house on fire so I wouldn`t look stupid.
If its the thought that counts, then I`ve banged so many hot chicks.
Found out the name of my neighbor`s cat. In other news, I now have free internet.
Trust me, when they make a pill that REALLY makes your d!ck grow, that commercial will be on during the Super Bowl, not 3am!
Legally, it`s questionable .. Morally, it`s disgusting .. Personally, I love it. ;)
I hate it when I get too drunk and just kidding I never hate getting drunk!
If you`ve never baked pot brownies in an Easy Bake Oven... then you`ve never wrote an apology letter to your sister with an Etch A Sketch.
If your conspiracy theory doesn`t involve cats and dogs, don`t bother me.