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I will do a lot of things but admitting I`m cold to my wife who told me to bring a warmer jacket isn`t one of them...
Just because it`s a bad idea, doesn`t mean it`s not going to be a good time.
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons!! Enjoy the day
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication
It`s hard to compliment a fake person without lying.
How many calories does swearing like a motherf*cker burn?
My smoke detectors are always cheering me on for being such a great cook.
My 12 step program means parking closer to the bar.
Blockbuster sell sweets and ice cream to go with your DVD rental - who the hell wants to rent sweets and ice cream?
I`m off to get my beauty sleep. Yeah, I know...I`m already so beautiful you can`t stand it! I promise...a little more isn`t lethal...yet! ;) Goodnight!
Dogs are great. You can count on them to alert you of danger...Also, children passing by, squirrels and gusts of wind they don`t like.
In an effort to explain marriage to my son I put Dora the Explorer on in Spanish and told him to figure it out or he sleeps on the couch.
Tonight I’m going to have my favorite drink. It’s called “a lot.”
If your pet has its own FB page, it might be time for a reality check...
Duct tape can`t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.