Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Love your neighbor ... but don`t get caught.
I hate when the person I Facebook-stalk never updates anything.
Sarcasm is like a good game of chess. Most people don`t know how to play chess.
Using a public restroom always reminds me how much better I am at flushing a toilet than a lot of other people.
It`s been scientifically proven that originally there were only five fruit cakes ever made!
I get so tired of the same old BS...can´t I get a little BS variety?
The synonym for `reality` is `offline`
Auto correct changed "group hug" to "grope hug" and I`m not in charge of the team-building exercises any more.
This hot fudge sundae hasn`t killed me so it must be making me stronger.
I always find the "easy-open tab" right after I finally manage to tear the package open with my teeth.
If you can read this, you`re not having sex either.
When a male octopus finds a mate, he rips off his happy place and throws it at the female octopus so she can inseminate herself. Then the male grows a new happy place. If that isn`t the most epic way to tell someone to go $*&# themselves, I don`t know what is!
No matter how stupid you feel, remember, Little Red Riding Hood couldn`t figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn`t her grandmother.
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.
This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.