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It`s Thanksgiving. Don`t forget to set your scale back 25 lbs
Can`t dance? Spell your name....in the air...with your butt. BOOM! Next problem...
It`s not a real relationship until their zip code is in your Weather Channel app.
ASKHOLE: A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them
Can`t wait `til I`m old enough to pretend I can`t hear.
The way my kids act at Walmart, it`s just a matter of time before the security camera footage is a hit reality show!
Here`s a list of helpful tips for meeting a great girl: 1. Don`t be me.
The worst time to need sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee is when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
It`s so cold outside you can see your farts.
I hate people who say "Age is just a number" — Age is clearly a word.
Everything I like is expensive, illegal, or won’t text me back.
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the bitch that they claim I am.
Would it be wrong to ask a one-eyed person if it really was "all fun and games" up to that point?
In honor of this years` Super Bowl participants respective States of residence, they`ve changed kickoff to 4:20 Eastern Standard time.
I remembered my wedding anniversary today. It was last week.