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My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only guess it`s there to stab potential taco thieves.
If it`s true that we are here on earth to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
You look over-medicated. What`s your doctor`s name?
Is it true that the older you get the crazier you become? Or is that just me?
Nothing is more discouraging that unappreciated sarcasm.
Hey ladies, you know that feeling you get when you roll over & realize you made a horrible mistake? I could give that to you every day.
People in glass houses shouldn`t masturbate during the day....
I wouldn`t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
Mcdonalds Drive thru: Do you want a girl toy or a boy toy? Me: You have those here?!
Being stuck in the`` friend zone`` is like an employer refusing you for a job and calling you to complain about the person he hired.
I`m probably not going to get accepted into the optimist club.
I have said it before. I will at it again. If anyone is into wife swapping. I will take a dirtbike or a puppy. Hit me up.
I think I`m funny - but looks aren`t everything
Kissing a sleeping woman in an animated Disney movie is romantic but do it on a bus and the judge doesn`t agree.
What was that idiot thinking when he invented white underwear?