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Who needs dance lessons when you`ve got alcohol?!
Gas prices are a lot like girls: We just wish they would go down.
I`m one more weekend on the couch away from being a throw pillow.
If you hold out your arms like Frankenstein when walking in a leg brace, people let you cut in line at Starbucks.
You’d think “attractive neighbor leaves curtains open” would appear in more real estate listings.
So.. who else is sleeping naked tonight?
Your family tree must look like a cactus........everybody on it is a pr!ck
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
It turns out that 3 is the amount of times you can suck on your dentist`s finger before she stops believing that you`re doing it accidentally.
Still haven`t cashed in my winning megamillions ticket...scared the $6 will make my friends treat me different.
Big shout-out to slugs for doing everything a snail does but without a helmet.
Never underestimate the power of the web. -Charlotte
I haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck since my last paycheck.
You haven`t truly tested your patience yet until you get stuck behind an undecided person at a Redbox kiosk.
most teens are switching to twitter instead of facebook. noone wants to get on facebook and catch dad pocking mom... if you kno what I mean;)