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If you see anything posted from me that involves something normal or appropriate, it is not me. I believe I`ve been hacked.
I`m 99.9% certain that every time a sock goes missing in the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid
Why fart and waste it, when you can burp and taste it
Health experts recommend a 1500 calorie diet. For those of you not good with math... that’s a 12-pack of 125 calorie beers. You`re welcome!!! ;)
My wife just said that I was the worst behaved out of all her children.
about love
If you ever get caught sleeping during work, just slowly raise your hand and say "In Jesus name I pray, Amen."
My stalker twisted his ankle, so now I have to walk slower for 2-3 weeks.
Every selfie you post should come stamped with a number like a limited edition print. "Attempt 7 of 25".
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!
If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people workout and then absorb their health benefits...
Going to Colorado this weekend to go ... "Hiking"
The plans I make after work are in direct proportion to how much charge I have left in my phone battery.
People say that I have no idea what hard work is. That`s not true! I know exactly what it is... How do you think I avoid it so easily?