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Behind every man there is a woman wondering if going to jail for murder is as bad as it sounds.
I don`t care about your status...
I would order delivery more often, but I just can`t stand lowering the drawbridge.
All shoes are technically buy one get one free...
Anyone know where I can get a waterproof recliner for my shower?
This Halloween, the only Candy I`m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a complete loser.
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: "Why am I talking to myself?"
I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how porn starts off. -Bfanch
I got food poisoning today. I don`t know when I`ll use it though.
I don’t care if it’s 1 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
The internet is full of cats because dog people actually go outside.
I will vote for Donald Trump just to hear him tell Obama he`s fired!!
There`s no way that whatever mothballs prevent is worse than the smell of mothballs.
Lets all take a minute and realize the lack of creativity in the name "fire place"