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Cop: There was no else going anywhere nearly as fast as you! Me: I know. I was winning.
What a terrible day. I`m going to drive through puddles & splash pedestrians to make myself feel better,
Is going to bed! Hopefully the Cleaning Fairies will come and clean my house tonight! Wishful Dreaming i guess!
It hurts when you go to unfriend someone and you find they`ve beat you to it!
My house isn’t dirty, I just have everything on display.
Apparently, 4 people die every year trying to put their pants on... - me, explaining to my (ex)boss why I went in with no pants
if ever you need NOTHING, im here for you.
If I agreed with you we´d both be wrong.
My stomach just growled so hard I thought I was getting a text message.
According to my iPhone Health app, I walked 1,787 steps around this Golden Corral buffet tonight .... So I got that going for me.
I`m the opposite of psychic. I don`t even know what I`m thinking! ;)
I`m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team
Why do they call a status a status if it already happened? I mean, shouldnt it be called History?
10 Easy Steps to Learn Binary: 1) There are 1`s and 0`s 10) There are no 2`s
Sometimes I buy huge pants and take a picture of myself holding them up just to feel like I lost a ton of weight.