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Behind every crazy woman is a man that made her that way.
Do you ever notice that when you´re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
You millennials and your obsession with public healthcare. Back in my day we just died
You can`t lick any part of your reflection except your tongue.
I wish I could veto MY bills.
I have the same thought when I watch horror flicks as when I watch my wedding videos. I should have known who the psycho was much sooner.
I just apologized to my wife for something she did wrong. Marriage is fun.
Without stupid people we would have no one to laugh at.
These peopele at the gym are looking at me like they expect me to share my donuts ... SMH
You don`t have to dress like you`re a handbag, unless you are Lady Gaga.
The only time I`ve ever used sex to get what I want is when I want sex.
With the right person, there is no such thing as inappropriate behavior.
You know if you say gullible slowly it sounds like oranges :)
I hate when I`m admiring my good looks from a car`s window reflection and the people inside think I`m staring at them.
I am sorry I wasn`t being completely honest when I said I was normal.