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I`m terribly sorry but I have decided not to grow up and act my age after all. So there.
Reminiscing isn’t as fun as it used to be.
I think about hiring a maid way too often for someone who has plenty of time to clean.
Time is precious. Waste it wisely.
When Life Gives You Lemons Don`t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don`t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?! Demand to see life`s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I`m the man who`s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I`m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
I remember when going viral meant having to tell several people they better get tested.
Heat makes things expand. So I don`t have a weight problem...I`m just HOT.
When someone shows you they don`t want to be a part of your life, let them go. I`m not saying you can`t make a voodoo doll of them, though.
I`ll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones
Life is just better when you’re laughing.
Liquid sanity: I call it alcohol..!!
I wouldn’t say your ugly, you are just beautichallenged.
Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, I’m pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.
Sometimes, my greatest accomplishment is just keeping my mouth shut.
Hey officer, why did you stop me? Just an hour ago, you said that you never wanted to see me again.