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My bed has no frame and sits directly on the floor because under-bed monsters are just one less thing I have to worry about now.
People say circumcision dosen`t hurt. I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn`t walk for nearly a year.
Told my kids next time I take their electronics away I`d also be responding to all texts they receive. They`ve been well behaved since.
Always look out for #1. Don´t step in #2 either.
Just found a hole in my sock and now I`m worried that the whole drawer might be pregnant.
People with jobs: It`s Friday!!! People without jobs: It`s Friday?
Whenever you`re feeling really bad about yourself just remember, there`s people that pay money to exercise.
Waldo wears stripes because he doesn`t want to be spotted !
My chiropractor just told me that I`m well adjusted. See? Not everyone thinks I`m a total weirdo...
I`m watching Godzilla tonight.... His parents asked me to babysit
You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.
If you`re not employed by the Secret Service, there is absolutely no reason to have a Bluetooth on your ear.
I hate that little line of dirt that I can never get into the dust pan.
A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now Googling how to extract a fork from bone without causing more damage.
I need a bank to do two things for me: give me a loan and leave me alone