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So, I guess we’re just supposed to assume the number is 1-800-Ghostbusters?
At long last, I`ve finished my research into the effect alcohol has on physical movement.....The results were, quite frankly, staggering.
You call it being sober. I call it on my way to the liquor store.
I dont think McDonald`s french fries are real food. Just found one under my car seat from two months ago and it looked perfect ... Tasted fine, too.
I just drink until the sadness becomes hilarious.
People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their car keys.
I think a good gauge of my personality is that I watch Homeland to relax.
Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings
How come phones only get lost when they are on silent?
My name is Fred and I`m a survivor. If you are out there..if anyone is out there. I can provide food/shelter..Anybody please....U are not alone....
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.
My box of Animal Crackers said, "WARNING: Do Not Eat if Seal is Broken." I open the box, and sure enough...
I`m glad the Eclipse is over so I can go back to staring directly into the sun.
Bragging about how much you receive in alimony only demonstrates how much someone was willing to pay to get rid of you.
I don`t get in trouble, I just get into questionable situations.