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I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds. :/
I`m all over that like a fat kid on a Smarty
Why is it that the more annoying the tune, the harder it is to get it out of your head?
So after an hour of playing Paper, Rock, Scissors, we decided to call it a tie. Good game, mirror!
The neighbor`s cat seems to think my flower bed is his litter box. I`ll fix that furry little bugger. I mixed 44 packages of pop rocks into the soil. And now we wait....
My cat’s gonna be homeless unless he comes up with something funny to post on YouTube.
Why would anybody put 99 bottles of beer up on a wall in the first place?
GIRLS: To make a guy panic, simply ask, " Notice anything different?`... works EVERY time
If you`re camping and you have WiFi, you`re not camping.
If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting that you do.
In grade school it’s called bullying but when you get older it’s referred to as upper level management.
And today I learned to never ask a woman how she dye`s her roots black.
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them.
If you heard twenty minutes of moaning from my bedroom that was just me trying to stand up.
I’m not always rude. Sometimes I’m sleeping.