Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My girlfriend said she wasn`t impressed and felt she needed a man with at least 6 inches. So I folded it in half.
PRINCIPAL: are you the new english teacher? TEACHER: yes i are.
I`ve tried several times, but I can`t pet a cat without plotting world domination.
If Monday had a face... I`d punch it.
Akward Moment Is When Your Twin Sister Calls You Ugly(:
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching `Night at the Roxbury.` "Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?"
I bought one of the "Books for Dummies" for 50% off, but I needed help to figure out what the price was.
If I was supposed to share them, they wouldn`t be called nachos.
Very productive day today, turd-wise
I’ve been searching for my stolen bed. And I won’t rest until I find it.
Wow, I just melted a piece of ice by staring at it. Took a little longer than I thought it would.
Fun Fact about me: The drunker I get, the more karate I know.
Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn`t `funny` and is technically `wasting` police time :(
"I understand your logic, but let`s try to look at this more emotionally." - women
My scars tell a story. A story about a guy who`s really f*cking clumsy.