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When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn`t hire stupid people......
Exercise would be so much more rewarding if calories screamed while you burn them.
Timeouts just give children a quiet place to plot your murder.
The Brain ? Forgets what I want to remember, Remembers what I want to forget.
I`ve decided that I`m an ass man. Don`t get me wrong, horses are beautiful. They just aren`t as cute as donkeys.
I know there are some people we say were dropped on their heads as babies. But there are others that were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall & fell out the window.
I got a free wallet and watch today. It`s like this gun is magic.
Every girl is beautiful, sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it....
All I`m saying is, you`ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time
Stalin should have known communism doesn`t work. There were red flags everywhere.
I`m starting to think that Dr. Dre isn`t a real doctor after all...
I wish Facebook wasn`t the only place I could block people from my life.
According to new research, too much sex can cause memory loss. Finally, something that explains my ultra detailed photographic memory.
Sorry I hung up on you, I didn`t mean to answer the call.
If you have time to update your status as "very busy", then you obviously exaggerated.