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He died doing what he loved, annoying the hell out of me and not believing I would stab him.
I gauge a person’s wealth by the level of protection on their iPhone. No case, huge salary.
Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom`s wise words: "Don`t pick that up!! You don`t know where it`s been!!"
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here`s the bad news. You just wasted it reading this post.
I`m just a boy...standing in front of a girl...asking her to lov.....aw who am I trying to fool. I just want in your pants.
You know you`re desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google.
Fact: Pornos aren`t based on actual events.
Lasagna is just spaghetti flavored cake.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you`re stupid and make bad decisions.
Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean. Mostly against walls, tables, chairs, bars, floors & occasionally, weirdos ..
If you want to bribe me food and beer works.
Sometimes, I think I`m a genius. Then I realize I`ve already seen this episode of Jeopardy.
"Love your friends, Not their sisters." & "Love your sisters, Not their friends." -By Mummy...
Women say childbirth is the most painful thing... obviously they have never stepped on a Lego.