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Wanna know what it`s like being married? Chain yourself to a wild animal. Now kick the animal.
Does this green St Patrick`s Day beer count as a vegetable.
People that walk behind cars get exhausted
Just saw the trailer for "Noah." I hear The Book is better.
they say there`s love in every corner....gosh I think I`m moving in circles
If at first you don`t succeed then you`re a loser...
I like to take, long, romantic walks, to the fridge. <3
I saw a spider in my bathtub. So I took a tissue and very, very carefully, burned the house down.
I can`t stand people who use song lyrics in their status` because they remind me of sombody that I used to know
I finally quit eating pizza for good, now I only eat pizza for evil.
I enjoy a glass of Wine each night for it`s health benefits! The rest of the bottle is for my flawless dance moves, and to make you look more appealling!
“Let’s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise” – sports fans
Whenever a stranger asks our baby’s name, I always say he hasn’t told us yet.
Those beards make the Red Sox look like they`re going to a Civil War reenactment as Confederates.
Actions speak louder than words, unless those words are spoken by a drunken woman.