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BEST PICK UP LINE: You would probably sleep better tonight if we had sex.
I like candlelit dinners, long walks on the beach and hardcore pornography.
When exactly are they going to make Xanax fit my Pez Dispenser?
the difference between people and celebreties ...... celebreties don`t have a routine
I want to start a womans magazine called "Period". ..then every few months I`ll send it out late JUST to freak them out. ;)
I know you`re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?
They say `No news is good news,` but I think it just means I have a lazy paperboy.
Yo! My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
Clearly, it is wrong to describe woman`s menopause as "the old Fallopian tubes finally rusting shut." My bad.
I’m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
Not one back to school special on beer. What kind of world do we live in.
If you don`t do stupid sh!t while you`re young, you`ll have nothing to talk about later in life while sitting at the bar.
I stop at random Jehovah`s Witness houses and drop off copies of Rolling Stone.
What`s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don`t know and I don`t care.
Gardening is awesome because it is one of the only ways a normal person can be persuaded into buying actual bags of poop.