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I watched Americas Got Talent for 15 minutes and I beg to differ.
I`m really good at using the turkey baster as a sword and getting drunk and not being invited to Thanksgiving anymore.
Imagine how freaked out the first human must of been on the first sneeze.
I don’t repeat gossip, so listen carefully
You should never lie through your teeth. Open your mouth and speak properly.
whoo hoo...I have new gutters. Please try and keep your mind out of them.
Horoscope: Slightly fatter than you were yesterday
I`m still trying to get over the fact that oranges are pre-sliced by nature.
Life is fun! You should get one.
Free middle fingers for everyone!!!
There would be a lot less people willing to run for public office if the losers were required to pick up all the lawn signs afterwards.
is not rude...I just wasn`t taught to politely pretend to be nice to people I can`t stand.
Live each day like someone else is paying for drinks
Boyfriend: Why do you watch the Food Network it doesn’t make your cooking any better? Girlfriend: Why do you watch porn?
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm the f*ck down. -Bfanch