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Sometimes knowing exactly where you are does not make you any less lost.
How does one get a nice body without moving?
I hate when the person I Facebook-stalk never updates anything.
I don`t know what`s more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
" I don`t watch much tv" proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet.
The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you´re on.
Morning workout: Turn on treadmill. Untangle headphones for 14 minutes. Get frustrated, leave and eat doughnuts.
You know you are the ugly one if they ask you to take the photo.
I`d like to thank the bars for being there for me.
My mind has a mind of its own.
You`re one of a kind! Thank goodness...
Surprise your wife today. Sell all her shoes and buy something nice for yourself.
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs at noon!
Anything is legal when there`s no police around
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs… because they always take things literally