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Gravity is a real downer.
I believe in love at first episode.
why hello there stalker! Enjoying my profile?(=
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I say unto myself I SHALL NEVER... USE APPLE MAPS AGAIN...
You`re never too old to learn stupid sh!t
The other day my son asked me who picks up the seeing eye dog`s poop.
You know what bothers me? When people assume you`re homeless cause you`re asleep on the street and your pants are gone..
If you don`t like me now, you won`t like me later because I just get worse.
My life is a very complicated drinking game
The hardest part about having a vivid imagination is finding enough things to climb on to avoid all the frickin’ lava on the floor!
FYI, Target does not give prizes, no matter how many bullseyes you hit in the store with a paintball gun
I was at a nice restaurant tonight and accidentally left out a loud fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
Admit it, we’ve all hidden our favorite food from the rest of our family.
You know what’s funny? Lots of sh!t so lighten the f*ck up.
Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.