Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Attempting to guilt me in to doing something, is the surest way to make sure it never happens.
I get in this weird mood where I don`t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood `Awake`
If you see me smiling it`s because I`m thinking of doing something evil or naughty ... If you see me laughing it`s because I`ve already done it
Change is always hard.... Especially when a jar of it falls on your head.
I let a girl go through my phone recently so a colonoscopy really doesn’t scare me anymore.
You say tomato, I say summertime snowball.
People should have to pass an IQ test to use the internet.
A few bad decisions really liven up a boring day.
I wonder what happens when a doctor’s wife eats an apple a day.
One day I`ll look up from my phone and realize my kids put me in a nursing home.
They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a mile away. Seems a bit far fetched to me.
I wish that some of my coworkers were not allowed in the break room because those are the people I need a break from.
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Independence Day.
I`m doing a charity gig tonight for people who struggle to achieve orgasm. Don`t worry if you can`t come
If I had a crystal ball to see 5 years in the future, I would have 2020 vision.