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Society has put an unnecessary amount of effort into the advancement of yogurt.
I`m not really your friend until I start insulting you on a daily basis.
My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ... I sent it anyways.
Just once I`d like someone to call me "sir" without having to add "you need to calm down or we`re going to have to ask you to leave"
Do you ever go on youtube just to watch a music video then 5 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe?
I hate when I spend the extra money to buy organic vegetables only to get home and find out that I bought regular donuts.
It`s a little known made up fact of mine that 40% of the air inside a Taco Bell is just farts.
Did you hear that? That was the sound of soccer being irrelevant in the US for another 4 years..
The saddest thing about St. Patrick`s Day is taking down all my Christmas decorations.
Don`t mix Viagra with Iron Supplements. It will cause you to spin around and point north.
Golf is such a strange game. You shout four, shoot six, and write down five.
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of sh!t going on?
I`ll be back in five minutes. If I`m not, read this again :D
I`m starting to think that adult supervision is a myth. In fact, my eyes seem to be getting worse.
I have a confession to make... "I want to get back with my ex"...LOL Just Kidding..."I`d rather shit in my hands and clap !"