Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`ve just borrowed a book on surgery from my local library. Apparently someone`s taken the appendix out.
I think I really have an amazing butt. Every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say "what an ass.."
Who`s up for some curling in my driveway?
If you think your wife has a great sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes. Not the best idea a man ever had ;)
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where is my phone?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch, dumba$$."
Traffic jams are more tolerable if you just think of them as really boring parades.
Its hotter than a three peckered billy goat!
You know when I was younger I was under the impression that quick sand was going to be a serious issue in life...
There are two types of people in this world: those who know how to handle stress, and those who need bail money.
I`m glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.
?"May contain nudity".. either it does or it doesn`t.. quit waistin` my time.
Ok Brazil, this would be a time when it`s ok to bite an opponent.
"There are singles in your area." - me telling a stripper she forgot some money on the floor
She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found `mute` by now.
Politeness has become so rare, that some people mistake it for flirting.