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Me: "The only person I need in my life is you." Bartender: "Please stop trying to hold my hand."
A dog running a hundred miles to retrieve a stick? That`s pretty far-fetched.
"How much for the man cave?" "Sir that`s a doghouse." "Can you install cable?"
If I had a nickel for every time someone called me OCD I`d have 27 dollars and 15 cents.
I have officially bought the first batch of Halloween candies that will not make it to Halloween.
Whew! Thank you warning label I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
If a vegan does crossfit which do they talk about first?
I don`t have a police record ... but I think I do have a Sting cd around here somewhere.
I have always been suspicious of Wendy`s hamburgers because they are square; much unlike the round hamburgers one finds in nature.
Even if women came with an instructions manual men still wouldn`t read it.
When someone rings the doorbell I say to my kids, "I think it`s Santa Claus!" so I don`t have to get up.
People don`t call each other jive ass turkey enough nowadays.
When the coffee stops working it is probably the right time to start drinking.
It only takes one person to ruin it for everyone...Be that person.
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.