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Was sitting and doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
If you borrow my laptop and the volume is at 16% go wash your hands immediately
Remember that there’s always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or prettier than you. That would be me.
Taking a nap is so risky. Like, when will I wake up? 30 minutes from now? 2 hours? 12 years? No one can be sure.
Highway to Hell is a great song because you can play it at both your wedding and your funeral.
Dear alcohol we had a deal where you were supposed to make me cool, sexy, charming and a great dancer........I seen a video......we need to talk.
Remember if you ask me to put sun lotion on your back, I am definitely drawing something dirty while I`m back there.
I don`t get why people find drunk texts annoying. You`re the person they`re thinking of when their brain can`t even function properly.
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and most of that comes from bad judgment...
I`m so bitchy right now ... I won`t even talk to myself!!
That frustrating feeling when the microwave trips the circuit breaker and you have no idea how much longer your lunch needs to be nuked.
And Jesus said, those footprints on the beach where two sets become one, that`s where I unfollowed you.
It`s been an exhausting day of pretending I`m a pleasant person.
According to my roommate`s diary, I have boundary issues.
Drop it! Please, just DROP IT. - My dog, whenever I`m eating.