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Geez. I make one little mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, You`re actually a few million years late. That star is dead, just like your dreams.
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy...so I came back drunk.
What do you call a dog with no hind legs? Dragon Balls.
If you’re not fully satisfied with your life, do something about it. Or complain about it on the internet. Whatever you prefer.
if you want me to go running with you, I´m going to need some motivation... Like a clown waving a bloody knife and chasing us.
Is your GPS supposed to sigh before it says "Recalculating"?
I`m getting really tired of being really tired of stuff.
God is creative, I mean just look at me.
I gave my dog a middle name today, so he knows when he`s really in trouble.
I was going to get a lot of stuff done tonight, but I didn`t. Because, you know...beer.
I want to follow my dream, but i dont want to look like a stalker
Elderly people used to always nudge me at weddings and say "You`re next."What got them to stop is when............I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
The trouble with jogging is, that by the time you realize you`re not in shape, it`s too far to walk back.
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.