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I plan on getting "sidewalk nap" drunk tonight.
Is there a way to politely throw breathe mints in someone`s mouth while they`re talking?
Everyday I’m shoveling. – Winter 2014
I feel sorry for historians, they have such a hard time letting go of the past.
The iPhone 5S: Because the NSA wants your thumbprint now too.
My New Years resolution is always don’t die. So far so good.
If adult diapers are called Depends, then baby diapers should be called Definitely!!
"I get knocked down, but I get up again, You`re never gonna keep me down" ~Bowling pins
This year, I`m thankful for all the people that included me in their mass texts wishing me a "Happy Thanksgiving," now I know which numbers to block when Christmas comes around.
Despite what people may tell you, its the fat that makes you look fat... NOT the dress!! lol
Nobody tell my husband that "year round periods" aren`t a thing.
Dimples are considered a facial muscledeformity in the medical world.
Serious question: Are doctors sure erectile dysfunction isn`t just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
If you catch me doing a selfie at work, at least offer to take the pic for me.