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My inner child is a drunken whore
Imagine how bad it would be if everyone could hear what you were thinking.
The only person whom a woman listens carefully & follows sincerely & does exactly as he says is a photographer
I love asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because I`m still looking for ideas.
Car sex is not fun...that tailpipe BURNS
All the good ones are either taken or imaginary.
I’m in no shape to exercise.
Two wrongs may not make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
You would think with all the ice water laying all over the world, it would be a lot cooler...
Fun fact: Deciding where to eat is the leading cause of divorce
I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
I’ve taken off my pants in most malls that I’ve been to.
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn`t seem so bad now.
If you see me out somewhere and act like you didn`t, you should know that I ignored you first.
Nothing is quite as scary as hearing your doorbell ring on the same night you made a blood sacrifice to the dark lord.