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Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
You never know whats going on in your life until you’re f*cked up.
Doctors and scientists agree on the benefits of an afternoon nap, yet still my boss thinks he knows better. Ridiculous.
is frickin awesome! Nough Said.
I don`t get why he counts the beer before he leaves to work... There`s never any left when he comes home.
"are you as bored as I am?" if you read that backwards, it still makes sense.
I think "Don`t Kid Yourself" would be a great brand name for birth control pills....
Thanks coffee for tricking us into believing that it`s a good morning for a few minutes.
My kids are always accusing me of having a "favorite child" which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
received a call saying that my son had been lying in school, and was being expelled. I don´t have a son. That kid is one damn good liar.
I thought there was a spider on the rug, but it was just some yarn. It’s dead yarn now, though.
Sometimes my sarcasm is so intense that even I’m not sure if I’m kidding or not.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well…my phone number for a start.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
Just scraped 3 inches of "Mostly Cloudy" off my car.