Daily Silly Status

United should roll out Rodeo Rewards where you get paid based on how long you are able to stay on the plane when you are chosen to volunteer.

Proposing to a woman isn’t like choosing a life-long business partner. It’s more like hiring your own boss.

I bet you 20 dollas I`m broke

I`m celebrating 1 year of sobriety today ... I think it was 1989 ... Cheers!

When does paying taxes get shut down? Asking for everyone with a job.

If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven...does God hide behind the pearly gates and pretend he`s not in?

My dog doesn`t always bark like there`s an intruder in the house, but when he does he waits until I`m home alone and in the shower.

My leadership experience is pretty much limited to those three consecutive days in first grade when I was line leader.

Apparently "whiskey and wild women" is not an acceptable answer when asked what your weaknesses are during a job interview.

Sometimes I really think I have my life together...and then I realize my underwear is on inside-out.

If a cannibal ate a comedian, that would lead to some funny sh!t.

I`m perfect you adjust.

Miley Cyrus is not unique. I have been having full body spasms and licking random objects for decades.

You know what I just realized that in school they teach you not to do what you don`t want to do yet they still give us homework and we get in trouble because we didn`t want to do it ( confused )

I party like a rockstar. A very poor rockstar who isn`t in a band.