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Seems like Pizza Hut should be able to afford a house by now.
If I had a time machine I`d go back to 900 A.D. and just scare the sh!t out of people with an electric toothbrush.
If she asks what the weight limit is on your ceiling fan.... She`s a keeper!
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: “Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?”
Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"
You can make up any word you want in conversation and if you use it in a dilsationary way, people rarely question the meaning.
Your things are terrific.
I thought we were both kidding when we made plans for me to watch your kid.
If you feel bad because you didn’t do well on a final, just remember someone from your hometown is still trying to become a rapper.
My girlfriend went to the dentist for a cavity. It`s odd since she spends so much time in the bathroom with her electric toothbrush.
My bed is half full - Lonely optimist.
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34D.
Apparently telling the airline stewardess that airplane food is "da bomb dat hijacked my tastebuds" is not considered a compliment......
I don’t drink to forget about problems. I drink to create new problems that that make the old issues irrelevant.