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What I lack in height, I make up for in kitchen counter climbing ability.
I like the parts of the day when food happens.
Any hedge can be a maze if you are drunk enough.
Well, I`m really not sure what my spirt animal is but I`m sure it looks like road kill right about now.
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone I will look at them shocked and just quietly whisper.... "You can see me?"
A bunch of us are going out for pancakes when Facebook is over, if you want to come along.
"Holy sh!t, that guy eats a lot of pizza" -people that walk by my house on recycling day.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy but sometimes I let her sleep instead..
So this guy pointing a gun to my face was like: Your money or your life! and I was like: I`m on Facebook, I don`t have money or a life.
I just found out my smoke detector comes with a warranty. WHAT FOR? If it don`t work, what`s left?
I`m under the weather today, also so is everyone else, that`s how weather works.
So I turned my phone onto " airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Worst transformer ever!
"No! Don`t leave me! I need you! Nooooo!" I say as my laptop cords slowly slides off my bed onto the floor.
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.
I`ve just been watching a documentary on marijuana...... I think all documentaries should be watched this way.