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Men like football because the priorities in football are also the biggest priorities in every man’s life…. Scoring and Ball Security.
Was sitting, doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
Tyler on Facebook says he ran 1.7 miles this morning… So based on calculations, I have 35 minutes to ransack his house tomorrow morning.
I hope we`re friends until we die and then I hope we stay ghost friends and walk through walls and scare the sh!t out of people.
if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
1,000 Ways To Die is so unrealistic. There`s no episode where a man asks a woman `what`s wrong?`
Shout out to the post office for delivering my recycling to me every day.
Just saw someone eat a kit kat bar without breaking off each individual piece and now I can`t stop twitching.
Shout-out to nature for not giving wings to snakes
I`d like to thank Tetris for making me really good at loading my dishwasher.
I don`t have dirty mind ...I just hav a sexy imagination. ..
Go home Polar Vortex....yer drunk.
Call me old school, but cigarettes should not have USB ports
It`s time to admit that as a species, we are just not ready for 4-way stops