Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Vodka is just amazing water.
I swear this is the last time I watch Groundhog Day
I always advise people never to give advice.
Picked up a hitchhiker last night. He said thanks how do you know I’m not a serial killer? I replied the chances of two serial killer’s being in the same car are astronomical.
Sea levels aren’t rising due to global warming. They are rising due to the increase in obesity. The continents are actually sinking…
If your friends don`t make fun of you, they`re not really your friends.
I started studying Tai Chi, so I wouldn`t recommend getting in a slow-motion fight with me...
I`m not sure who looks more frightened & confused when someone knocks on my door, the dog or me?
I`m no expert, but I`m pretty sure a lot of economic problems could be solved by extending the McDonald`s breakfast menu back out to 11am.
Boobs are like model trains. They were originally for children but grown men always want to play with them.
Fun Game: Walk down a hallway with both arms outstretched to the walls while shouting, "Hug me or turn around!!!"
My beard itches, Web MD: Beard cancer
Girl scout cookies suck! I ate like 20 boxes of thin mints and I`m not any thinner.
Nobody talk to me until I`ve Instagrammed my coffee.
Spank me once, shame on you. Spank me twice, now we`re getting somewhere.