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Some people might as well post ‘Wants Attention’ as their Facebook status.
My three biggest fears are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization.
If I was Neil Armstrong landing on the moon, "That`s one small step for man," would have been, "Screw you every girl who ever shot me down!"
I really have important work to get done, but I really just want to sit here and complete a quiz on what percentage redneck I am..
If I had a dollar for everytime i thought of you, I would start thinking about you!
I had to explain the Goonies today... so I`m feeling super old and bitter.
Hold boobs not grudges.
I can make your gf scream louder than you can. - Spider
People are way less judgmental when you say you had an "avocado salad" instead of saying you ate a bowl of guacamole.
The only reason I keep people`s phone numbers in my phone is to avoid their calls..
Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
My blood hound was just attacked by a Crip hound.
"Are u going to the circus?" is a perfectly good sentence when not used as a follow-up 2 your wife`s question: "how does my make-up look?"
Marrying your high school sweetheart is like taking the banker`s first offer on Deal or No Deal.
Black holes must be where God divided by zero.