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The best part about living by myself is not having to explain why i fell asleep on the kitchen counter… naked… again..
I`m not an alcoholic I just have a lot of things to celebrate.
Behind every great women is a man checking out her a$$
I assume people with dark tinted windows pick their nose more aggressively than the rest of us.
In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that I`m right.
I like to fill my medicine cabinet with marbles before I invite people over.
If I owned a copy store I would only hire identical twins.
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
Take me seriously at your own risk.
Dear Life, Please, use a Lubricant.
If you died and went to he!l, how long will it take you to realise that you aren`t still at work?
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
One man’s LOL is another man’s WTF.
Sometimes my mind wanders, other times it leaves completly. ;)
I asked my girlfriend why she never tells me when she orgasms. She said she doesn`t like phoning me at work.