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is cuddling up with a good book and a cup of tea. Ah, who am I kidding... I´m looking at Hustler and having a beer.
I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.
I`m a good singer. Unfortunately I have a bad voice.
Our parents always taught us NOT to write on walls... Facebook teaches us differently
Why do people with really bad breath always want to tell you secrets?
that moment when somebody calls your house phone and ask where you are
I answered the door in my underwear. That WAS the tip, pizza guy!
"are you as bored as I am?" if you read that backwards, it still makes sense.
I`m so pissed right now! I`m about to open a can of... Wait…WTF??!! Since when did they start putting child-proof lids on the cans of whoop-ass? A little help please...
Hey whiny kids with iPhones: when I was your age, I played with a stick.
I could totally handle twins, triplets even quadruplets. Hold it, you`re talking about BABIES?
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
So you have 820 friends on Facebook and yet no one was around to take your picture when you decided to use the mirror for a good shot?
I would want to change my name to `Nobody` on Facebook. So when someone updates something stupid it says `Nobody likes this`
roses are red.... my name is dave...this poem makes no sense.... microwave...