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Falling in love is lot like dying, you never get to do it enough to become good at it.
I`ve ended up encountering much less porridge than I had expected I would as a child.
It is totAlly unnecessary to put a PM after 23:00.
Gravity is a real downer.
Everyone has a right to their own opinion, no matter how wrong they are. And that`s why we have a problem.
Ladies, when a creepy guy asks for your # and hands u his phone, text REDCROSS to 90999 so he`ll donate $10 to Disaster Relief.
I`m pretty sure there`s a chip in my car that turns all traffic lights RED...
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible
I like it here because not only do I get to air out my dirty laundry, I get to see yours too.
If the Dollar Store ever starts selling alcohol....drinks are on me.
Fat, single and ready for a Pringle.
The 21st century: When deleting history is more important than making it.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
Apparently asking girl scouts which cookie pairs nicely with whiskey is inappropriate....
If you weren`t supposed to eat 15 Oreos in one sitting, they wouldn`t package them in rows of 15.