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I love work; it fascinates me. I can sit and watch folks do it for hours.
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. Im pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Thank goodness I`m loud and obnoxious all the time, so my family can`t blame it on the alcohol.
It`s like my golf instructor thinks I`m mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club.
First world problems: I couldn’t hear the TV so I had to stop eating chips.
I dont understand these pregnancy test things, so I took another one just to be sure. Just as I thought, its negitive, we`re not pregnant! Now how am I going to tell my wife she is just fat.
I`m undecided about which pants to wear today...Smarty of Fancy?
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming.
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible
"Mounting debt" sounds way sexier than it is.
Fashion is what you call hideous clothes that are really expensive
If nobody hates you, you are doing something boring.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it’s just a cake?
"If your reading this, I think your awesome!"
What an intoxicated Schwarzenegger might say to a police officer: "I`m an IDIOT you COP!"