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If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew.
Somehow the talk went a little wrong with my 7 year old and now he`s convinced that birds have sex with bees and now he won`t eat honey.
I should be cleaning and disinfecting the toilet bowl today cause I have a feeling I`ll be hunched over hugging it later tonight.
If pigs could fly.. Would I be able to get high on bacon?
I hate it when a dog starts barking and then every other dog nearby retweets him.
My girlfriend just accused me of being unfaithful. I told her that is ridiculous and that she is starting to sound like my wife.
“How are feeling today?” is a polite reminder that you were a mess the night before.
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
If you see someone crying, ask them if it is because of their haircut.
How come people who think they know everything never seem to know when to shut up?
I`m saving all my good posts for when I can think of some.
If we ever travel thousands of light years to a planet inhabited by intelligent life, let’s just make patterns in their crops and leave.
Single Awareness Day ..... it`s a S.A.D. day
Good mothers let you lick the beaters when they`re making a cake. Great mothers turn the mixer off first.