Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Violently swerving your car will not throw a spider off the window. Doesn`t work like it does with humans. Just in case you need to know.
This cat poop tastes like I`m about to get yelled at -Dogs
I just attempted to wash a paper plate if you wonder how much money I have available.
My wife says "YOU`RE DRUNK!" like it is a bad thing.
In terms of procrastination, I had a very productive day.
I am, have to avoid the leg cramps during sex, years old.
Tip to get out of jury duty: Begin every answer with “According to the prophecy.”
Some days, I think that Dexter dude has the right idea.
Life is tough. It’s even tougher if you’re stupid.
Sorry I said "Better you than me" when you showed me your baby.
Not sure yet why this cookie dough has baking instructions on the package.
Just heard some guy yell "F**K!" ... I thought this was impressive because not many people can pronounce asterisks.
The phrase "use of the jerk-off motion is prohibited" has been added to our HR manual because of me. It`s like winning an award.
Weekends will from now on begin on Wednesday because that is when it should truly begin!
If by a blow job you mean blowing everything out of proportion then yes I totally rock at blow jobs.