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Today: I`m going to be understanding, productive, and nice. WHAT? Stop laughing! I`m serious!
R2-D2 from Star Wars, still holds the record for most curse words in a movie.
I need a Shazam app for people I`m supposed to recognize but can`t remember
If I ask my dad to take a picture of me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling "It`s the button on the left!"
When one door opens & another one closes, your fricking house is HAUNTED!
LADIES: Not all men get into a relationship just for sex. Some just need a personal chef.
It`s that time of year again, to reflect and remember how much I love my tax deductions. Kids... I meant my kids.
Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one, what`s your plan? ;)
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don`t show anyone going to a job they hate, and paying their bills.
A procrastinator’s work is never done.
That one day of fame on Facebook because it`s your birthday.
How long are Winnie the Pooh and Tigger going to ignore the fact there`s something seriously wrong with Eeyore
That tenth doctor is a selfish idiot, he never recommends anything!
Guess it`s time to get to the part of the day I hate... the part which requires pants.
I am absolutely a man of my word. Unfortunately, it just so happens that the word is "Unreliable".