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I was gonna take over the world this morning but I overslept. Postponed ... Again.
All I`m saying is one of us is right and the other one is you.
If at first you don`t succeed ... I just lie and say I did.
My death bed confession is going to be epic!
When I was a kid…no wait, I still do that.
Since smart watches can now read your pulse, there should be a feature that erases your browser history if your heart stops beating...
You should always love a woman for her personality. We have so many to choose from.
Thanks, resealable packaging, but I think we both know that won`t be necessary.
Just found out I`m pregnant. At least that`s what this expectant mother sign for my parking spot says.
I"m not saying that I am batman, i`m just saying no one has ever seen me and batman in a room together
I thought we were both kidding when we made plans for me to watch your kid.
"I can`t believe it`s not clutter." ~ A recovering hoarder
If you could have one super power would you pick flying, invisibility, or falling asleep without questioning every decision you`ve ever made
Sometimes in life, all you really need is a lot of money.
So many fun things to say ... too many relatives on Facebook to post!