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I think my girlfriend’s hallucinating. She keeps telling me she’s seeing other people.
I hate it when I put on my apple bottom jeans and cannot find my boots with da fur!!
Note to self: don’t set your password reminder as “you should know this”
I often confuse reptiles and amphibians. Actually, if I`m being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I`m talking about
Some people should be ticketed for wearing spandex
I don`t know why I don`t buy more piñatas. Like right now I would love to beat the shit out of something and then eat a bunch of candy.
I enjoy going to costume parties that have a theme. ..."Nude Beach" is my personal favorite.
When someone looks over my shoulder while I`m on the computer, I open up a new tab and start searching, "HOW TO KILL THE PERSON BEHIND ME."
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place to have sex.
Sorry, but breaking up with you on facebook was the best way of letting all your friends know I`m available.
If Violets were Orange, poetry would be a lot more challenging.
You use Google every day but I bet you can’t remember the order of the colors.
Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.
Typical: you have nothing to wear for a party and suddenly the rabbits, the birds and the mice begin to sew you a dress
This is not the status message you are looking for .... Move along