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I put the o in illiterate!
Finally figured out what women want...SECURITY!!!......(At least that`s what they all yell when I try to talk to them...)
It`s ok if you don`t like my personality,,, I`ve got others.
Life would be a lot easier if employers accepted excuses like “I’m sorry I can’t come into work today, I’m sleepy”
The brain is like the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
How do amish girls know if its a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular candle lit dinner.
Tired of those Political Ads on television?...... You may be entitled to compensation.
I used to date a magazine editor. But, I broke up with her because she just had too many issues. No YOU shut up!
I think my credit card looks weird. Could you send me a picture of yours so I can compare?
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.
Man: "You look nice today..." Woman: "Was I ugly yesterday?"
cuss words = sentence enhancers
A real man should never wave faster than he says the word “hey”
Few people have the balls to admit when they`re wrong. Then again, few people have talking balls.
Just started a new exercise program where I put on a gorilla mask and chase a random toddler through Costco.