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Never trust a person with only one Facebook photo of themselves.
This lasagna recipe has been handed down in my family for generations in the hopes that someone would eventually make it.
We`re all here because we`re not all there...
You can learn a lot about a woman by watching her load a gun.
Car sex is not fun...that tailpipe BURNS
It’s hard to tell if I’m dealing really well with life these days or if I just don’t give a sh!t.
Just spent the last 30 minutes cutting a Batman mask off the back of a box of Honey Nut Cheerios & my kid thinks he`s gonna get to wear it.
Please, please don`t be a bitch to me. Because then I`ll have to be a bitch back and I can do it better than you.
Sometimes I think I`m pretty cool but then I remember plants can eat sun and poop out air.
Some people just bring out the psycho in me
Once you have to start paying a babysitter every time you go out, you realize most friendships aren`t worth it.
I need to adjust the brightness settings for my future.
First you told me to be myself now you`re telling to me not be an idiot. Make up your mind woman!
If by "crunches" you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then yes, I do crunches.
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade"