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Partying on my level requires years of training.
Dramatically slamming a book shut upon finishing it was way more satisfying than switching my Kindle off and gently placing it on the table.
I have a pretty big ass, so when I half ass something you`re still getting something impressive.
Secretly adding a tablespoon of butter to everything he eats is my long-term exit plan.
Why do men fart more than women? Because women can`t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
The right man breaks your headboard, not your heart.
I was called sexist today. So..i said i think ur mistaken...its pronounced sexy! LOL
Staring longingly at the door works for my dog, but I tried it at work and no one let me out. :(
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village wants one.
Let`s be honest... Gay Divorce Court would be the best thing to happen to daytime TV in the history of ever.
Just dropped off some film to be processed. More on this story as it develops.
Everyone is beautiful in their own way, your way just happens to be in the dark.
If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke break a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
I`m old enough to remember when having a long cord on the home phone was privacy.
*Goes to the gym. Takes a selfie in front of the weights. Leaves.